I Refuse to Turn My Run Into a Math Problem!

I’m looking at my marathon training plan, and I need to do 12 miles today.  Ok… let’s see – I need to stay perfectly on track each .10 of a mile so my split times are spot on.  Gosh, one second ahead or behind could be devastating and will throw my marathon training completely off track.  Alright, on one arm is my Garmin 305 and 405, and on the other is my Polar Heat Rate Monitor  so I can stay in the BPM zone based on my age.  Oh, and my regular Timex Ironman watch is strapped to my leg so I can see what time it is in New York (even though I live Denver).

Of course, I have my Runners World pace band laminated and super-glued to my wrist.  And not to be forgotten, my music on my iPod is synced exactly with each kilometer to be sure I stay on pace.  I’m also thinking about taking my iPhone 4s so I can have SIRI with me so I can ask her how I’m doing on my run (and to whisper motivational running quotes in my ear of course).

It’s important that I wear my lightweight training .07412 ounce shoes.  If I wear my regular Sauconys, they’re .07586 ounces heavier and will result in me losing 3.024 seconds per mile.  Not gonna have that happen.  I also perfectly trimmed and sanded my toe nails, and checked each with a caliper to be sure my left and right foot toe nails are perfectly balanced which will improve my gate.

Last night I ate 4.6 oz. of pasta with 6.03621 oz. of protein, and treated myself to a low-fat chocolate chip cookie.  All totaling 1,651 calories.  I also hydrated by drinking 16 oz. of Gatorade, 24 oz. of water and, before I head out, 1/2 a can of Red Bull. A full can would result in a potty break which would throw everything into a tizzy. My daily calorie intake needs to be exactly 2,256 which is exactly what I’ll burn based on my Biggest Loser BodyBugg, also attached on whatever body part is still exposed.

I set my alarm for 3:46 am so I could get up and go to the bathroom, and set it again for 4:26 am to check the temperature and weather.  I’ll set it again for 6:52 am since I need to leave my house at 7:14 am so I beat the traffic light at 7:29:22, which is where I take my first 1.4 oz energy gel.

I’m placing an 8-1/2 x 11 note exactly one inch from my computer so when i get back I can download all of my statistics into an excel spreadsheet (with pie and bar charts) for analysis.  I’ll then blow the charts up and frame them, hang them on my wall which acts as artwork in my house which I change monthly.  The blown up charts also makes it easier to stare at when I meditate so I can visualize my pace per 5,280 ft., splits per 200, 400, 800 and 1,600 meters, heart bpms broken into each kilometer, calories burned and be sure I am able to hit that darn green light at exactly at 7:29:22 the next day.

Then, I’ll post all my information on Twitter, Mapmyrun.com, Runkeeper, Facebook, and Google+ and that new site Runmyrunformewillya.com so all this useless information that everyone could care less about is out there taking up thousands of megabytes of space!  I will of course attach a .pdf file of a white paper of my monthly stats and analysis. Lastly, as a reward to myself, I’ll cap it all off with a nice 8 oz.cold chocolate milk and a 2.4 oz energy bar.

Seriously, know anyone like that?  You know you do! For me, I just put on the closest running shoes, go out and enjoy a nice run.  All I look at is average pace and distance… and that is it.  Running to me is my release, my enjoyment, my peace and my Zen.

I absolutely refuse to turn my run into a math problem and if I run a little slower in my next 135,435 ft. race, so be it.

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Categories: Crazy Observations, Running Related
  • Caron ET (@runreadrant) says:
    February 28, 2012 6:05 PM

    That is exactly the way I run. I do plan races but with no particular pace in mind other than how I feel that morning. I run for strength, mentally and physically that is all.:)

  • Sandi says:
    February 28, 2012 6:10 PM

    LOL love this post 🙂

  • Ben says:
    February 28, 2012 6:12 PM

    I’m with you on that one. Much of what you mention above takes all the fun out of a run for me too, but I recognize that everyone is different. Some people can’t run just for the sheer enjoyment of it and need the numbers games to motivate them and help them track progress towards a specific goal.

  • Jim Honiotes says:
    February 28, 2012 6:35 PM

    Dang. Reading that made me hungry. I need a KitKat, stat!

  • Mike says:
    February 28, 2012 6:36 PM

    I totally agree. The problem is that everything you read pushes you in this direction. I had to stop my subscriptions to Runner’s World and Running Times (I follow them on twitter so I get all the good stories anyway). I have a GPS watch with heart rate monitor, but during a run I only care about the distance and sometimes the current average pace. After the run, I find the mile splits interesting but I never do anything about the data. I don’t wear the heart rate monitor because I just don’t care about that data. I have set a goal for myself this year of just running and not caring about my speed. Before a medical issue, I was running sub 10 minute miles. But now I don’t want to go faster than 10 (prefer to stay in the 11s). I want running to be fun and when I focused so much on my speed, I started hating it. I will trade running slow for the rest of my life injury free for running fast and dealing with injuries and burn out.

    Great post.


  • Jason Gross says:
    February 28, 2012 10:07 PM

    Awesome post! Couldn’t agree with you more!

  • Persistent Hunter says:
    February 29, 2012 3:37 AM

    I run with a Garmin 305 and heart rate band. I really try to just look at average pace on my long runs. That is pretty much all. But I do mull over the run data when I upload it to Garmin and Daily Mile. Great post.

  • Not Perfect says:
    February 29, 2012 12:37 PM

    Even though I am nothing like the person you described, I don’t know where you get off judging other runners so harshly. May be to them doing those things allows them to say that running “is my release, my enjoyment, my peace and my Zen.” Some might think that putting all the time, effort and money involved in running a marathon in 50 states pollutes the purity of running more than some gadgets. Now please come down off your high horse and join the rest of us mortals on the ground for a run.

    • Jim Lynch says:
      March 01, 2012 11:58 AM

      Thank you for your post. I sent you a personal E-mail but it was kicked back. That said, I will post it here.

      Hi Not Perfect,

      I read your comment regarding my blog and I appreciate your honesty and opinion.

      My post was not to offend or judge but to provide some humor. I’m an average runner and it has been my passion for 24 years. It has got me through some hard times. Each has their own approach to running—some may be techincal and some not. I’ve struggled through injuries, success and failure during those 24 years. I’m just thankful that I still have the motivation to run and I am truly inspired by those that are out there achieving their goals and becoming better people because of it. As for the 50 states this was a goal that my friend and I committed to and it was a wonderful experience that took us 8 1/2 years. We were able to see places we otherwise would not have ever seen. And the sense of pride each community displays was awesome. Believe me, I am a mortal just like everyone else and started like everyone else. I just decided to make running a huge part of my life for many years.

      I wish you nothing but success with your running and some very happy times and wonderful memories. Keep on running and thanks again for your opinion. It is very welcome.


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